Question:
I threw a shower for my friend when she had her first baby boy. Now she's pregnant again with a second boy. Am I obligated to throw another shower? And, is it usual for a baby shower to be held only for the first baby, or should one be held for a second or third baby?
Answer:
Dear Trina,
What a good friend you are! It takes a lot of love and work to plan and give a shower. It looks like Mom-to-Be is on a second tour of baby-to-come duty, but since you've already served, you can stand down. You've got your honorable discharge. You aren't obligated to give your friend another baby shower.
That's the short answer.
It wouldn't hurt though to explore a few ideas here that you could pass along to whoever in your circle is thinking about giving your friend Shower No. 2.
Baby showers were originally given for a woman's first child but subsequent births were not generally acknowledged with the same hoopla. Friends and family might have pitched in with some goodies here and there, but it just wasn't ... well, the same.
Modern trends have changed all that! Second, third (and more!) births in today's world are marked by a variety of fun themed parties that focus on welcoming a new baby into the world. Today's parents (or parent if Mom-to-Be is a single mom) believe that each new baby deserves to be honored uniquely. I couldn't agree more!
In light of that, don't get the idea that baby party no. 2 needs to be exactly the same as baby party no.1. Think about it. This baby is being born into a unique situation. He's already got a big brother! Baby no. 1 arrived solo as the pride and joy of a couple that (not too long ago!) were newlyweds. Get the idea? It's a different moment in time. A unique situation. Baby no. 2 is being born into a world that didn't exist for baby no. 1 -- hence, we've got all new ways to think about how to welcome him!
If your friend already has lots of gear on hand from baby no.1, whoever hosts this second shower should talk to her and find out what kind of party theme she'd like to enjoy and who she'd most like to have on hand. That's not much different from what anyone would do planning a first shower, but the stakes are different. This shower might work best as a co-ed one where dad and his male friends can spend some time catching up. An outdoors barbeque or picnic in the park is a great way to spread out raucus energy because kids get invited, too.
A second baby shower oftentimes incorporates a "I'm A Big Brother" or "I'm a Big Sister" theme so that the child who's soon to get a new sister or brother feels specially acknowledged and included. Big sister or brother (especially the first born!) will have a special lifetime role to play in the family. Honoring that child's transition from first-and-only to big sister or brother is an important rite of passage!
Shower gifts in this context would most likely center around fill-ins and items Mom-to-Be is going to need right away. She probably already has the big gear -- crib, changing table, etc. Never, ever think that giving loads of diapers isn't cool. Oh, heavens! The more the better! At this stage, Mom-to-Be has become a diaper queen! She knows how many she's changed with baby no. 1 and has a good idea how many she's going to need with baby no. 2! Bring 'em in by the truckload, or give her a subscription to a diaper service! Other hot items are bibs, bottles, formula, receiving blankets and onesies.
Diapers or a diaper service are a magnificent way to help ease the load for Mom-to-Be. Remember -- labor (no pun intended!) saving gifts and devices will go a long way for Mom this time around. Not only is she taking care of a newborn, but she's already taking care of baby's older brother! Come to think of it, another great gift item this time around might be a bit of afternoon babysitting so that Mom-to-Be can catch 40 winks or dash out for a soothing massage, mani and pedi! With two little ones at home, she's going to need some grown-up time!
If anyone in your circle decides to pick up the Diva Darling mantle and shower your friend this time around, that's great! She will need to find out from Mom-to-Be if there are any burning needs or desires on her wish list. The prospective hostess can graciously advise those on the guest list as to the goals of the shower in a way that makes each person feel like they're a special part of a team. In that way all invitees understand that this shower isn't just another way for the parents to troll for more bling. There are some real needs to be met.
Finally, have a ball celebrating with lots of tasty treats and fun games. Leave time to say "thanks," and "I love you." At the end of the day it's the people that matter and love that brought you together.
Let me know how all this plays out!
Meanwhile, happy showering!
Susan "The Shower Diva"
Where Fun Reigns!™
