Question:
One of my daughter's best friends and I are planing a baby shower for my daughter. This is my first grandbaby. I have been informed that another friend of my daughter's is having a baby at the same time as my daughter. This other friend and her mother are planing a shower at the same time as mine. What would be the best way to address this situation with out causing any hard feelings? The second friend is stuborn to a point. Can you help? Any ideas, please. Thank you,
Answer:
Dear Susan,
Oooh, sticky wicket! You've certainly landed between a rock and wilted centerpiece! Few dilemmas are as fraught with anxiety as the dreaded "Duel of the Shower Dates".
How do we finesse this one? Before we get to the only solution that might work, let's do a quick tutorial on some basics:
Let's Do a Quick Review:
One of the very first rules of good shower planning is for the hostess and guest of honor to be sure at the outset that their shower event won't conflict with a same or similar shower being staged by a friend. Once having established a date that works for just about everybody, many hostesses find it useful to send out a "Save the Date" card. The bigger the event, the better it is to lock the date in with a notice card. The official invitation follows about two weeks later. The careful hostess gives herself 6 to 8 weeks before the actual shower to 1) Save the Date and 2) Mail invitations early enough to give guests ample time to purchase a gift or order one directly from Mom-to-Be's registry.
Scheduling conflicts, such as two baby showers occurring nearly back-to-back puts guests in an awkward position. That's a big no-no. First, what if a guest who loves both Moms-to-Be can only attend one shower because of prior obligations? Which mom does she choose? What if there's more than one guest who's stuck in the same boat? Suddenly we've got one or more potential shower guests who feel conflicted -- and maybe even guilty! Nobody wants that to happen.
Second, what if our hypothetical guest (or guests) have financial challenges and need a bit more time to work a second shower gift purchase into their budget? Few things feel worse socially than feeling "I don't have enough," or "I'm not enough," when what we're really talking about is sharing love. Money shouldn't matter, but in the real world it does to each and every one of us.
What You Can Do:
Your solution, unfortunately, has no guarantee of success, but it's worth a shot. In cases such as yours, the only remedy is good old fashioned diplomacy.
Telephone your daughter's friend's mother and explain your dilemma. Invite her to share her feelings about how the two of you want the best for your daughters. Ask her from the heart if there's any way you two could arrive at a better solution.
If the other hostess hasn't yet sent out "save the date cards" or official invitations, you stand a reasonable chance of striking a compromise. If you meet with resistance, wait until the time is right and mention that it might be difficult for guests' budget to shop for two baby showers together with holiday and grocery shopping so close in time. If it isn't appropriate to broach financial matters with this hostess, simply tell her that you're concerned that guests will not be able to attend both showers due to family obligations and parties that they're already putting on their calendars.
If the other hostess proves intractable, then it's up to you to strike every grace note on the keyboard. You don't really have any other alternative but to find another date for your daughter's baby shower -- one that (hopefully) gives guests sufficient time to recoup from the first shower so that they can participate in yours without feeling overly burdened.
We wish you well and we're keeping our fingers crossed!
Happy Showering,
Susan "The Shower Diva"
Where Fun Reigns!™
