Question:
My sister is getting married. I have two other sisters who are out of state and unable to attend the shower. I am in charge of the shower, it's at my house, and I want to do it. My mother is overbearing and trying to take over the shower. How do I politely tell her to "back off" and remind her that it is not her responsibility to run the shower? Thanks.
Answer:
Dear Sarah,
This is what I call "heavy meddle" and I do NOT mean "Twisted Sister" -- or do I?
Heavens no, I surely don't mean you fall into the "TS" category. Truly you don't! Your dilemma is as old as time itself, and there are no easy answers.
However, let's make a list of some solutions that may lead you to peace on earth.
Sit down with your mom and have a heart-to-heart. Tell her that you have the shower plans under control and that it's your job -- not hers -- to run the show. Let her know that her ideas are greatly appreciated and that if you need her help, you'll call her and ask for it.
If the direct approach won't work (and you know your mom best!) go this route: keep her busy. Assign her tasks she can do at her house. Perhaps she can do some shower-theme research for you online or seek out the best prices on games, favors, decorations, dishes, candles, flowers, cakes, etc.
It sounds like your mom is competitive and has a lot of energy. She might not be able to keep her hands off the shower if she knows her daughter is having all the party planning fun. Suggestion No. 2 might work best -- keep her busy with tasks you can assign her that will make your life easier.
If Suggestion No. 2 is a no-go - and if you can stand it -- tell your mom that you need her most on the day of the shower but not before. Let her know that you've got plans under control, but that she's really the only one you trust to come early and help you get everything set up perfectly.
Sometimes the meddling mother is the one who's afraid she's going to be left out. She over compensates by controlling circumstances to make doubly sure she won't be ignored. Mom could also be reliving her glory days through her daughters so she can momentarily turn back the clock.
Letting your mother know she's loved, beautiful and valuable to you and your sisters might be the reassurance she needs to get her off your case.
The bottom line? Your mom probably needs an important role to play -- one you and she might be able to negotiate if you two have a heart-to-heart. It's hard to imagine any mother standing idly by when it comes to a bridal shower or baby shower. Doting mothers want perfection for their daughters, so see if you can put her to work in ways that are helpful rather than disruptive.
Happy Showering,
Susan "The Shower Diva"
Where Fun Reigns!™
