Question:
I am a bridesmaid and I am throwing the bridal shower. My cousin, the bride, is not registered anywhere so I am throwing her a Personal Pampering Party where everyone gives her something personal that she loves. Since she is not registered anywhere is it bad etiquette that we have a small insert with some of her favorite things in the invitations? This is her first wedding and she does not have a lot of money to pamper herself before the wedding. Thanks,
Answer:
Dear Carrie,
What a lovely spa-themed-party you are throwing! As much as providing a suggestion card within the invite, it can be misconstrued for a couple of reasons.
First, if you list some of her favorite things on it, what's to prevent guests from duplicating beauty gifts? If the bride doesn't have a lot of money for self-pampering pre-wedding, the idea would be to find a way to ensure that she gets as many different products as possible. Hopefully enough to carry her through her wedding and beyond.
Second, peoples' perceptions are critical when it comes to gifting for showers. A card listing certain items might make guests feel coerced into buying from a limited range of products instead of being given a more unique range of choices. Shower invitees truly like registries. They feel relieved of the anxiety of how to please. When a bride is signed up, shopping becomes easy -- and fun! No guest should ever fear that her gift won't be loved.
To ward off mishaps and ruffled feathers, here's the best way to handle this. Ask your cousin about her favorite beauty products. Get her to speak in detail about her private pampering dreams. Coax her into being specific. As a bridesmaid and shower hostess, your job is to help the bride map out her heart's desire and do all you reasonably can to make her fantasies real.
Once you know what "pampering" really means to her (and what her favorite products are), help her choose a registry or two and get her signed up. That way when invitees shop, they'll have that generosity of heart experience that's crucial to the gift-giving process. Remember, the gift giver has a big investment in making the bride happy. She holds a deep hope that she'll thrill the bride with her unique choice.
If you have the budget for it, you could make the pampering shower a real one for her and all the invitees! You could book a professional manicurist/pedicurist, esthetician (facial expert) or massage therapist to work the shower. That way the bride and her guests can spend the entire day getting pampered.
Serve healthy treats like veggies, dip, frozen yogurt, yummy smoothies, fat-free chicken nuggets, mini-hamburgers (lean!), whole grain crackers and one signature cocktail. Non-alcoholic beverages for the non-drinkers are also a must at any party these days.
You can't go wrong if you let the bride be your guide!
Happy Showering,
Susan "The Shower Diva"
Where Fun Reigns!™
