The Shower Diva: Where Fun Reigns!

Stacy Kaiser: Therapist, Lifestyle Coach and Media Personality

Hey great! You're throwing a shower -- but you've also got the kids, your job, a mate, a moody sister, early holiday planning, grocery shopping, and the dog to walk. And that's just what's on your plate today! How do you handle shower planning and multi-tasking without winding up the booby hatch?

Before you do one more thing, take a breath and clear your mind. Ahhhhhhh. That's better.

Now, take a look at what Marriage and Family Therapist Stacy Kaiser says about taming that party planning beast -- anxiety!

It's all in the strategy.

Put first things first -- get organized. Map it out in advance. List everything you need to do in order to throw the shower. Make a list, a flow chart or start a tabbed notebook where you can separate big tasks from little ones. Go all the way from the guest list and invitations straight through to when you greet the first guest at your front door. Seeing your plan take shape in black and white is a big relief. You begin to see that it's actually doable.

Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. For example, if you can't afford a caterer or don't have time to cook fancy foods, go with easy-to-fix, wholesome snacks, sandwiches and desserts. Ask a friend who's handy in the kitchen for her suggestions, recipes and a helping hand at the shower. As soon as you've decided on your party foods, write your menu out and stick to it.

Remember who the party is for -- pick a shower theme that compliments the guest of honor's personality. What is her personal style? Casual? Formal? Non-traditional? A bit outrageous? A casual Bride-to-Be or Mom-to-Be isn't likely to feel comfortable at a tea party. Likewise, a more traditional honored guest isn't going to feel comfortable being showered to heavy metal music. If the shower isn't to be a surprise one, you can speak with the honoree in advance. Tell her your ideas and listen to her feedback. Going with her flow is a real stress buster because you'll have the advantage of knowing in advance that she's going to love what you do.

Set good boundaries - know exactly how much you have budgeted for the shower and how many guests you can reasonably accommodate, then stick to your guns.

Don't let other people take over and tell you what to do. Unsolicited advice is just that -- unsolicited! Don't let other's opinions derail your plan. Some advice-givers mean well. Some may be just plain bossy. No matter who they are, courteously thank them for their input, then tell them that you've got it under control.

People often make the mistake of throwing a shower or party they'd really like to have for themselves. Not because they're selfish, but because we all are geared toward believing close friends like the exact same things we do. That isn't always the case. Our differences are what spice up our friendships, so knowing what your guest of honor likes -- even if it's quite a bit different from what you like -- honors her and stretches you to experience something new!

Prepare yourself - visualize how the day will flow. Shut your eyes. See it. Break the shower into phases or acts the way you would a play or a movie. Act One: Set up what needs to be done the night before the shower. Act Two: Set up what you need to do the next morning. Act Three: Set up what you need to have ready to help you flow from the beginning to the end of the party. The better your prep, the more fun you'll have. Yes! The hostess is allowed to have fun too!

Block it out - Know your party flow. For example, first, you have a meet and greet, then a short icebreaker game, then move onto refreshments, chatting, games, and then the gift opening. Put post-it notes on your dishes so that your helpers will know what goes where -- veggies on the platter with the matching dip bowl, cookies in the basket, mixed nuts and raisins in grandma's crystal serving bowls, etc. Get the games out of their packages and organized ahead of time. Put them in the order in which you want to play them. Ask a friend to co-host the game phase with you or recruit a couple of friends to handle the game portion of the shower. You get a breather while allowing more guests to take a lead role.

Note from The Shower Diva: A side benefit could be that delegating and asking for help allows shy guests to feel a part of the celebration, allowing them to open up when they normally would remain in their shell. People LIKE to help! So let them!

Rally your support system all along the way. This is one of the most important things you can do. Stay connected to friends you've enlisted to help you with the shower. Whether it's a text message, voice mail, or quick phone call. Share! Talk about your experiences along the way. Talking it out after a tough day is going to keep you centered and feeling sane! Make the ups and downs fun! Laugh! Don't let a snag along the way trip you up.

Crucial -- make sure you have at least one person to work with you before, during and after the shower -- someone who can come early on the day of the shower and stay late to help you with clean-up. If you need two or three team members, be sure to recruit them in advance so you aren't left short-handed. Remember -- you don't have to go it alone at any stage along the way.

Make time to care for yourself on party day -- block out enough time for a leisurely bubble bath or luxurious shower. Don't skimp on time needed for hair and make up. Make sure your outfit is laid out in advance and that you've chosen comfortable shoes. Be ready an hour early.

Do one last walk-through of your shower set up, then relax. When the doorbell rings and you greet your first guest, you won't look like a frantic hostess, you'll look like a million bucks! You'll look fresh, as if your weeks of party prep didn't make you break out in a sweat. Being relaxed and groomed is a compliment to your guest of honor. She'll notice how organized you are and how beautiful you and your house look. Party poise says a lot about how we value ourselves and others -- especially Mom-to-Be or Bride-to-Be!

Remember, the shower isn't about how much money you spend, it's about how much love you give. The best parties aren't necessarily those that are the most elaborate. We women handle multiple roles -- mom, wife, friend, career professional, chauffeur, party planner, tooth fairy, and much more. Because we want the best for our families and friends, we often carry idealized images of perfection then come down hard on ourselves if we don't believe we've measured up. Let go of the inner pressure to "perform" and let yourself have fun!

Important tip -- to avoid a guest mishap such as an encounter with the one who might put both feet in her mouth, pre-announce to the guests (before the arrival of the honoree) that horror stories are off limits -- no tales of agonizing labor pains or emergency deliveries. No gossip or story telling about awful weddings, marital problems, rumored infidelities or the like. Showers are happy, optimistic occasions where people come together to celebrate high hopes for the honoree's future. Don't rain on her parade.

Pull additional stress management resources together by surfing the web for additional tips. Ask friends and co-workers for their advice, too. If you have questions for Stacy, please visit her "My Space" website at http://www.myspace.com/stacykaiser Access her email on her homepage. She'd love to hear from you!

Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California based licensed psychotherapist, lifestyle coach and media personality. With over 50 television appearances in the last year on major networks including CNN, NBC, CBS, and FOX, Stacy has built a reputation for bringing a unique mix of thoughtful and provocative insight to a wide range of topics. Stacy tackles the demands of a thriving private practice while meeting the daily challenges as a mother of two school-age children. She is a much sought-after public speaker on a wide variety of topics, ranging from office and personal relationship issues to anger management and family politics. In addition to her numerous television appearances, her expertise and unique perspective have been solicited by a diverse group of clients including major corporations, public institutions, government agencies and philanthropic organizations.

Stacy Kaiser received her B.A. in Psychology from California State University, Northridge and her M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and has received advanced training in the areas of human and child development, as well as emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Stacy is currently pursuing her doctorate and simultaneously completing her first book. You can learn more about Stacy at http://www.stacykaiser.com