Wedding Anxiety
We've all heard of the 'Runaway Bride' and other tales of ladies (and gentlemen) who became so overwhelmed by jitters and angst that they chose to walk away from their big day, sometimes only hours before the event. You may have wondered what would push a happy, comparatively sane individual to do something so outrageous to their lover, friends and family. Perhaps you have been planning your own wedding and are beginning to feel as if you are drowning in a tidal wave of demands and decisions. If so, you are not alone, not crazy, and definitely not doomed to making the six o'clock news!
Even under the best of circumstances, weddings - and the preparations, expectations and other pressures can fray your nerves and sanity. There's no reason to feel guilty for being human. These can be times that try a girl's soul. That's why I decided to devote my June column to tips and tools for keeping wedding madness to a bare minimum.
My first suggestion: Hire a wedding planner! Unless your plans consist of dropping by the courthouse for a quick "I do" on the way to work, you cannot overestimate the value of having a competent professional guiding you through the bumps, potholes and briars along the path to wedded bliss. Don't just pick the person who promises the most, or has the best ad or website. Ask your recently married friends or coworkers for recommendations (and warnings). Spend time talking to the prospective planner and see what kind of a 'fit' the two of you have. You are going to be relying on this woman (or man) to manage all of those maddening details and to advise you on important decisions make sure you and she have the same taste and vision. Meet her in person you can tell a lot about the professionalism and competency of someone by how they dress, whether they are on time, and the way they make their presentation. One other caveat if at all possible do NOT use your best friend, or a close relative, in this capacity. Should there be a problem, you don't want planning your wedding to be the reason you no longer are on speaking terms with your sister! There are zillions of planners out there and online directories to help you in your search. .
Next suggestion: Delegate! Let your family, your friends, even your future mother-in-law (yes, even her) have a job of some kind, to help you get through the stress of trying to achieve a 'day of perfection' (more on that later!). Maybe one of them can make the hairdresser appointments, or can recruit your little niece to be the flower girl, or volunteer to drive you to various bridal shops, or hostess one of the planning meetings at her home (saves you a day of cleaning and stressing over your apartment's appearance). Not only does it take some of the weight off your shoulders, but it gives them the gift of feeling needed, valued and included in helping make your wedding great.
Third suggestion: Take time out to breathe. Don't fill every waking minute with agonizing over plans, details, lists and so on. Why wait until the day before your wedding to spend time at a spa? Set an appointment for a massage when you begin to feel stressed. If you must multi-task, consider it 'market research' for a special gift you can give to your bridesmaids, and when you find someone who really does a great job, get gift certificates for each of your 'girls'.
Finally, about that desire to have everything be absolutely perfect on your most important day let it go, girl. We humans can aspire to excellence, but only God can achieve perfection. So unless you are actually capable of causing flowers to bloom or holding the stars in the sky, any attempt to have a day when absolutely NOTHING falls flat or starts late is an exercise in futility, and doomed to failure. Some of the best wedding stories I have heard sprang from unexpected mishaps that actually contributed to the festivities and made the event even more memorable. I still have a picture of my sister's flower girl, looking like a fluffy pink angel from heaven, walking down the aisle with a chubby little finger stuck up her nose! If you can let go and welcome chance and surprise, you'll be a happier, sweeter, and even more beautiful bride when your day of days arrives.
If you have any questions, please write in and ask! I'll do my best to give you the help you need, or direct you to a good source for more information.
Nancy Miller, RN, BA Psych, CHyT
Nancy Miller got her RN degree in 1975 and went on to earn a BA in Humanistic Psychology from Goucher College in 2002. She's also a certified hypnotherapist and an ordained minister. Nancy is the mother of one child, her 24 year old son Eric, of whom she is extremely proud.
Looking for more Nurse Nancy? Read her feature column on "Providing Your Babies With a Safe, Non-Toxic Environment"!
